Quoted: "Katie" in italics. Sorry, but it had to be done. I won't put on a face anymore. If I like you, you'll know. If I don't, ditto.
Yeah... school is school and friends are friends. Having fun and being me. And refusing to change who I am b/c a few people think I should. Honestly! They call me immature for saying this... but I know for a fact that those who truely care for you will do so no matter what. They will accept you for who you are and not try to change you... unless something you are doing is hurting someone or you. I learned a long time ago that the only people worth being around are these people. And you want to know something... I honestly don't care what they think. I have 50 or more people... some extremely close and some who only know me as a casual friend... telling me to never change. I think I'll side with the 50 over the 5 or 6 who haven't bothered to really get to know me.
Katie. I'm addressing this to you because I have to be honest. This isn't a "few" people saying you aught to change for the better of yourself, but then again, I cannot speak for everyone. Thusly, I speak for myself, and include whatever "Them" in "we" as I speak.
You are being horribly, repressively, immature, constantly spouting words like, "Everyone loves me anyway!" And "I'm so cute!"
You know that long, hesitant pause following after? That's because what you are saying makes us UNCOMFORTABLE. Evidently, we do not agree. Sometimes you say things we can assume you don't mean, but after what you said to Natalie that day? "I'm cuter than you anyway"? Saying "Oh, I was just joking!" Some ten minutes later does not constitute "joking". SORRY. You HURT Natalie's feelings and never offered an apology.
YOU hurt Newski's back and never offered an apology. You have the tendancy to be insulting and now I am not entirely certain you don't know it. It's not punky attitude you're pushing off on us, it's pride.
The way you hold yourself and your mannerisms disgust me. You ARE a friend, yes, and this is why I'm being as brutally honest with you as possible. I hope you take every word to heart, even if it causes tears, because there's a lack of friendship where there is no truth and I'm giving you all the truth I know.
That's really the only thing that bothers me. They say these things, but they haven't bothered to learn who I really am. They don't know my history or my dreams. They don't know my secrects and my pains. They only know the girl who does her best every day to make others smile. They say I need to mature and grow up. That this is college. I wonder what they would say if they new that some of the 50 some who don't want me to change are teachers and co workers, college seniors and college graduates. These are people who you can truely call mature.
The reason we don't know who you are, if we truly don't, is because you act so plainly fake. You speak in a falsetto, try to be as random anime fangirlish as possible. You type beautiful words here, very poetic. I've done the same. "They don't know the secrets of my dreams," I said. What had I wanted then? Pity. Attention. Someone to back me up against a war with no front. No one is FIGHTING you, Katie. We're only trying to help you before you drive each and every one of us away. You are dangerously close, now. Begging for pity from your internet friends.
We don't care about the fifty-some people who are seniors and graduates and professors. THEY don't matter to us. They are not of our generation, and thusly do not think the same way we do. They have an older standard of mature, yes, even those just four years ahead of yourself. WE are the new breed, right here, right now, standing beside you and trying our best to offer you your faults and present them as nicely as possible as easy to remedy. We're trying to help you, not attack you in any way, shape, or form, and trust me, if anyone was attacking anyone, I'd have long since snapped at you for various reasons.
I'm not going to change. I don't plan on it. I am the way I was meant to be. I love myself for who I am. I don't know if any of the "they" are going to read this. I don't really care if you do... but if you do, get one thing straight. I am me. Plain and simple. I am loved by many and hated by many. I have dreams and sectrets. I have heart aches and pains that stem from a past more painful than you might ever care to imagine. By the world's standards, I have a right to be bitter. I have a right to be hurt and hateful. But I'm not. I have made the choice to love and forgive. That is my choice, and if you can't accept it then get out of my way 'casue I'm headed for the top. I beleive in who I have become and I am proud of who I am. I love myself. Can you, in all honesty, say that? So why don't you get to know me befor you judge me. Because your judgements are ignorant and foolhardy. If I've offended you... I'm sorry. But get over it. Life is too short to dwell on silly little things. But know this as well... I do love you. With all of my heart. I would be more than happy to be your friend - but friendship is a two way road.
.. there you go again. How dare you begin to think you are perfect the way you are. How DARE you start to believe you are both loved and hated by those far and wide. How dare you be both Christian and Artist and not ONCE show yourself as humble thus far! Not ever since I've known you have you been modest when complimented. Be it your looks, your art, etc.
You have to be able to change for the better and see other's perception of you as truth. If there's more than one person suggesting or even hinting at some flaw why in the world wouldn't you try to change yourself for the better? It's not like you're being threatened or teased. We DO care a great deal about you and your well-being, but your arrogant, manipulative ways have got to stop.
Since we met you have blatantly shown nothing but pride in my presence, and that is probably one of the worst things you can ever do to lose what respect one started out with. You have to understand that how YOU percieve yourself and how you show yourself to others are entirely different.
And yes, Katie. I love myself. I know of a few who love and care about me, too. And I know you as well as you show yourself to me.
I do wish to compliment you, though. That was rather poetic.
If anyone wishes to attack me for my views, I would prefer it if you write everything you have issue with down on paper and burn it.